ROB: Good morning sweetheart.
CYNTHIA: I know, I was up early. Wool socks were 50% off.
ROB: What time did you get up?
CYNTHIA: I don’t really remember sleeping. Kids’ sneakers were 65% off.
ROB: You were in bed next to me.
CYNTHIA: Yeah I closed my eyes until you fell asleep, got up around 1am. Potted succulents were 46% off.
ROB: So let me get this straight, you were up since 1am for wool socks?
CYNTHIA: I guess so. Tea kettles were 39% off.
ROB: I need to get to work. Don’t you have to get ready?
CYNTHIA: Put on a sweater and I’m good to go. Car seats were 59% off.
ROB: Will you stop? And our youngest is nine years old; car seats?
CYNTHIA: What time will you be done tonight? Ragdoll kittens were 25% off.
ROB: You bought a…? Cynthia?
CYNTHIA: Grandfather clocks were 44% off.
ROB: Cynthia, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.
CYNTHIA: Vintage records were 75% off.
ROB: I’m leaving you. Me and the kids.
CYNTHIA: Decorative ceramic salamanders were 38% off.
ROB: I found another woman, and I’ve been slowly introducing the kids to her. They love her. We’re moving to Walla Walla. Hello?
CYNTHIA: Power strips were 66% off.
CYNTHIA: Chestnuts in bulk.
CYNTHIA: 43% off.
ROB: Do you have anything to say? To me? About us? About this?
CYNTHIA: Divorce attorney consultation. 15% off. Psychotherapy session 30% off. Dating site membership 43% off. Black dress 32% off. Movie tickets and steak dinner package 50% off. Ticket to Antigua 35% off. Typewriters 20% off. Writing classes 41% off. My book about hating you, full price.
ROB: I see how you feel.
CYNTHIA: Digital download of “I Will Always Love You” 37% off.
ROB: I’m sorry.